Letters

Dear Body,

First of all, let me say that I am so grateful for you. You allow me to do so many amazing things, and I believe you were specially built to handle one of my most favorite things to do: running. Thank you for sticking with me through the many ups and downs. I know I haven’t always respected you the way I should. Sometimes I run you into the ground and injure you. Sometimes I don’t run or strengthen you enough and let our hard work fizzle.

I am sorry for taking you for granted. I am sorry for the times I’ve looked in the mirror and been disappointed or felt inadequate. I know I can look at my big legs and see strength, at my small feet and see speed, at my puny arms and see potential. But sometimes I don’t. Thanks for sticking with me despite those times of negative self-perception. The truth is I love what we can do when we work together. I love when crest a hill and fly down the other side. I love when we hit our lap splits like robots. I love when we burst off the final turn and dig deep for a finishing kick.

I can’t wait for us to do these things again, but I will wait, so we can be strong and ready together. For now, thank you for adapting to the cross training, for letting me push you in new ways and in new sports. We can get through this.

A special note for my right foot – I’m sorry you took the brunt of me ignoring other injuries and I’m even more sorry for being frustrated at the time you’re taking to heal. I promise we’re gonna figure out what’s really going on and then get healed. I know you’re part may seem small to play in the scheme of things, compared with the rest of my body, but I need you, my little fourth and fifth metatarsals. We’re a team, and you’re a vital part of it. I need you healthy, and we’re going to make it happen.

Love,
Cecily

Trying to take care of the legs I'm so grateful for.

Dear Mind,

You are strong, there’s no doubt about it. Sometimes that strength works for our good, other times, I let it be our greatest enemy. We dreamed up crazy dreams together about life, love and yes, running. So far, we’ve been able to turn so many of those dreams into reality. Together we’ve pushed through boundaries of fear, doubt and pain I never imagined we could break. And yet there have been times where the mental hole of despair we dug was so deep, I never thought we’d get out. Some days, we’re still just climbing out and it seems endless, but our good memories are strong and our belief in the future is taking root.

High School dreaming, orange shorts, pink striped socks and all.

Life and Running: always intertwined. I was falling in love with Matt at the same time as I was coming back from injury and dragging him around to cross country meets, a sport he didn't really even know existed.

Remember our first trip to Cross Country Nationals in 2007? How many times did we picture the 3k and 5k marks together before the race? We pictured feeling good and running well, and that’s exactly what happened. How about indoor conference 2008? The whole last lap you knew you could win even though it seemed impossible. It was our secret, our unshakeable knowledge that we could do it. Remember Outdoor Track Nationals 2009? Move after move we held on, we stayed un-fazed, all the way to a dream come true 2nd place finish. We’ve toed so many starting lines with absolute confidence, both in practice and in races.

It’s time to think about healing. We need to be whole and healthy in every way if we want to keep attaining what we dreamed up as a 13 year old, 17 year old, 21 year old and now. There is time. There is a way. But I need you.

Love,

Cecily

Staying with the front pack for 25 laps at nationals, thank you Mind.

Dear Running,

Do you remember when we met? I don’t. I’m sure I was too young to have any hope of remembering my first running steps. But I do know we grew close during my soccer years. Remember the connection we felt with the ball? Together we did all we could to be in the perfect position on the field at all times so we could contribute to the game. There was nothing we loved more than beating someone to the ball.

I know that you saved me when I broke my arm in 7th grade and could no longer play soccer. Either that, or my broken arm saved me by helping me really discover you. Not that those first few months of cast-ed running were very pretty. They weren’t. But it didn’t take long for me to both love and dread all you had to offer. The pain and sweat and nerves for races were not enough to keep me from the joy running brought : the fluidity of arms and legs pumping in time, and the challenge that fed my competitive spirit.

It’s been a rocky relationship at times. Times when I’ve let you “run” my life. Times where I’ve dreaded you, times where I love you too much, break ups and make ups. But I still think we were made for each other. I still think we have unfinished business. In fact, I hope we always have unfinished business of one kind or another, that way we can always be together.

I’m doing all I can to get back to you in a healthy way. Please, please wait for me.

Love,

Cecily

P.S. I miss you.

 

 

13 thoughts on “Letters

  1. Girl, you are serisouly a rockstar, you will be back at it before you know it, and have learned so much a long the way!!!

    Totally random, but if you rearanged that picture from nationals, it would be like a step-by-step pic of what your legs do during each stride haha.

  2. What sweet letters, Ceca. You are so eloquent and sincere. As always, I wish I could be as cool as you. Seriously, you are my hero and I know that this is a hard time, but I believe in these letters to your body, mind, and running… I know you’ll work back into it because you still have so much to do, so far to go, so many dreams to achieve and then smash and then realize you’ve got dreams that not even you thought were possibilities.

    I’m sorry I’ve been a bad/absent/non-existent blog buddy lately. But you know I’ll always be here as your sister and best friend. You are amazing. Thank you for the pick me up today with these letters. I wish we could be together to cross train. I love you so much, my sister! Keep that chin up. :) (You’re Emie’s hero also!)

      • Yep!!! She’s our little Emaline… or Em… or Emie (my favorite!) Thanks for the love!! I hope you’re doing well!!! And the whole fam! I miss you… which means I need to get back to my computer for updates!! :) <3

  3. aww this brings tears to my eyes as I’m fighting to return from a rolled ankle.
    you will be healthy and strong again in no time at all! keep focused and stay positive :)

  4. I loved reading all these Cec :) you are so strong, like you said. I love how positive these letters were and it makes me want to write some to myself 😀 – thank you!!!!! xoxoxo I really want to meet you and Jess. I hope I do one day!

  5. I love writing letters. I could just start a blog entirely comprised of letters. Most of them would end up like these and echo basically everything you said – well except the nationals part, but hopefully that will come later :) I absolutely LOVE the last picture of you two. That’s intense. Anyway this is one of my favorite posts and I’m bookmarking it so I can read it again and smile!

  6. What a beautiful post. You are awesome! I was thinking about you while I was watching indoor nationals over the weekend! I can’t wait to see you back at your best, but until then I’m so glad to hear you’re being patient and taking care of yourself!

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